Viper - Posted - 09/26/2013:  08:24:23

My son was two weeks old yesterday, and I haven't played a note of music since before he came along. As the proverbial "they" like to say, "Everything changes when you have kids." My son was born premature, so my wife and I spent the first nine days of his life traveling back and forth to the NICU to visit him as he learned to eat and started packing on the ounces. There hasn't been much time for personal time, and what little there has been we've tried to catch up on sleep. As we adjust to the new normal, I'm looking forward to finding time to play my banjo and fiddle again. 

I wrote about the challenges of a new parent at my blog, but I wanted to post it here as well to see what advise some of you might have for playing music when there's a baby in the house. I'm not worried about the noise so much as finding time and making sure my wife doesn't get resentful of my hobby. So, what do you say, folks? 

DeamhanFola - Posted - 09/26/2013:  09:37:53

My thoughts & good wishes are with you and your son--I hope he's out of the NICU and home soon!

I'd say get the wain used to the sound of the fiddle ASAP. My uilleann pipes teacher in Belfast played at all hours when his kids were young, and they ended up actually finding it soothing (though he didn't play in the same room when they were in bed). In fact, I can recall a few occasions when visiting that one of them would waken in the evening, and he would put on a tape of uillean piping to sooth them back to sleep! Train 'em young! It likely will be one of their cherished memories of you when they grow up--Daddy with his fiddle.

As you suggest though, be sure that you share the chores (baby-related and otherwise) equally: similarly, allow each other wee breaks along the way for sanity's sake. A few minutes on your own playing the fiddle each day will recharge you--but be sure that your wife gets equal breaks (such as they are) for her alone time.

fiddlepogo - Posted - 09/26/2013:  09:59:20

I'd say learn "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and other childrens' songs.  Learn lullabies on the fiddle.  Use the opportunity to work on your singing.  Rocking a baby and singing a soothing song at the same time can be magical.

Clawhammer banjo in particular works great for childrens' songs..... Skip to My Lou, Shoo Fly, and Oh Susanna are great for kids.

Fiddle is great for Old McDonald and She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain.

And if you have any gift for poetry at all, you could make just about any singable banjo or fiddle song into a kid's song.

If you can be flexible with your music, there can be a place for it to get integrated into your new reality-  especially if you think of music as not being so much about "personal time" but being something your family can share together.  Some of my better memories growing up are of singing songs with my mom and grandma.    Singing and playing for them of course increases the chances of their being a musician... but not necessarily the same KIND of music.  I played fiddle and banjo a lot for my little sister the tail-ender after our dad died... and she became a trumpet player!

Also.... as he gets older.... IF you can guarantee you can play on the move with both eyes on the kid, babysitting while playing music becomes an option.   Beater instruments you can put down quickly are a better option.  Banjo wins there because you don't have to deal with a bow or worry about it getting greasy.

If you do it right, your wife will see that your music is an ASSET to the family.... it gives you extra tools for teaching and entertaining little ones!

Some of this may take a few months though...  wait for the right time, and mix it in slowly.

Edited by - fiddlepogo on 09/26/2013 10:01:48

fiddlepogo - Posted - 09/26/2013:  11:13:30

Reactions from reading the blog article:

1. Coincidentally, Molly (Polly) Put the Kettle On is one of those Old Time tunes that may have started as a childrens' song.  Focus on these kinds of Old Time tunes.

2. Looking at the other blog article titles, you seem to have a taste for pricey banjos.   I hope you also have a Gold Tone or Goodtime beater banjo.  Tweak the twangy tone with masking tape under the head, and a more massive bridge.

3. The thing about fiddle is maintaining your touch with the bow.... hours might be required to acquire that touch, but having one accessible and picking it up to play a tune or two now and then can help remind you of how to get it back quickly.

4. I don't know about the quality of your fiddles and bows, but it might be good to have one that's playable but eminently replaceable- like a Gliga fiddle, or K. Holtz fiberglass bows.

5. You may have a collection of nice banjos.  If you haven't already, consider culling the herd to raise funds for crucial expenses needed for the son.  That will generate not just extra funds, but goodwill for your hobby as a whole.

6. Cheap mandolins properly set up can be a great way to learn tunes for later transfer to the fiddle, and you can treat them more casually than fiddles... however, the picks could be a problem.

7. All stringed instruments need the string ends to be made kid safe so they don't poke little eyes or even puncture little hands.  I have seen instruments designed for kids come with little plastic covers.  As a matter of course, for safety's sake I take the excess guitar or banjo string, wrap it around the tuner's post a couple of times to put a curl in it, and clip it off just long enough so the curl hooks under the string leading up to the post.  That holds it out of the way, and even if it does get bumped, it's just long enough to be flexible and not puncture skin.  Fiddle strings ends aren't as stiff and can be tucked into the pegbox.

8. Your whole house INCLUDING your music gear needs to be made "kid-safe"... that little fellow will be crawling and putting things in his mouth before you know it.  Tools, polishes, spare strings, small banjo parts,  and glues need to be secured.  Locking toolboxes and instrument cases that lock are a good idea. Instrument stands and such need to be looked at as tipping hazard- wall hangers are a better option.  Capos with removable parts probably should be at least temporarily replaced.

FireandAir - Posted - 09/26/2013:  11:41:38

Along with the advice given above, I have to realistically say that there is indeed a distinct possibility that you will just have to push the pause button on the fiddle for a while.  New babies are unbelievably disruptive to your life, but they don't stay that tiny for TOO long.  If you have to just hold off on the fiddle for the next ten months, then that's just what you'll have to do.  Trust that the time will pass and eventually the kid may want a little kindergeige of his own (which is the easiest way to keep them from messing around with your fiddle -- give them their own!).

tonyelder - Posted - 09/26/2013:  12:20:15

quote:

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Originally posted by fiddlepogo

 

2. Looking at the other blog article titles, you seem to have a taste for pricey banjos.   I hope you also have a Gold Tone or Goodtime beater banjo.  Tweak the twangy tone with masking tape under the head, and a more massive bridge.

3. The thing about fiddle is maintaining your touch with the bow.... hours might be required to acquire that touch, but having one accessible and picking it up to play a tune or two now and then can help remind you of how to get it back quickly.

 

---

(OK - I'm sure some will cringe when I say this - but it works.)

Along the same lines as pogo's suggestion about  "masking tape under the head, and a more massive bridge" for a banjo:

For the benefit of others in the house - I have a fiddle that I have "toned down" by stuffing toilet paper under the strings behind the bridge and under the tailpiece. I've also stuff more under the fingerboard extension and in the f holes. It takes the bite out of the highs and mids. But more importantly - it cuts the edge and volume is reduced to where the sound of the fiddle is not overpowering - it doesn't demand attention. And I'll even add an ebony mute to the bridge if it needs to be even quieter.  I can dig in pretty hard and still not be loud. In fact, my wife can sleep in the same room and not be disturbed. The strings are still responsive and I can hear myself just fine. In fact, you ear becomes accustom to that tone and volume - it can be pleasant. Then when you play any fiddle without the "treatment" - it will sound very harsh and will take some getting use to at first.

Perhaps something like that could have some possibilities for not upsetting an infant and a tired wife in the house. Might even have a soothing affect - depending....

And congratulations DAD!!!  ...good on you for being thoughtful. 

alaskafiddler - Posted - 09/26/2013:  12:42:05

Yep, been there. Definitely a learning curve to how to shift balance of time. Your time is no longer all your own. Certainly at first with a premie and NICU; and then next few months all this new stuff you have to learn to balance time on. Including just getting rest (Mom especially) - it does settle a little within a couple of months; though will constantly be changing demands of time. The ability to be spontaneous, improvise time management is good. A heavy fiddle mute and a bit of a quiet place (another room, garage) is useful for improvising time (baby is down for a nap). BTW, infants can learn to go to sleep without total silence.

One thing that helped was we each had some specific times outside of the house during the week with no guilt. I got to go to a regular jam, and band practice. She got to go to Scrapbooking and movies. Also had some times we each planned to just take our baby out of the house for a few hours, leaving the other to do what they want at home.

It's possible and good to play music for your infant. Incorporate it early on, as just a normal fabric of life, that one makes music every day; if nothing else it will condition them to noise (get em while they are young not to be afeared of the banjo) The material does not matter at all. (adults sometimes have funny ideas about that). It is in some ways easier while they are infants, easy to play music while keeping an eye on them. I used to play with them in the backpack, including playing some gigs dances; they would often fall asleep while playing. When they get to be toddlers, they are very mobile, not as content with staying in one place and start getting demanding of your direct interaction time (Daddy play with me). You'd think it get's easier as they get older, teenagers - but not so much; I find a lot of time is spent driving them around; and they are incredibly more demanding (criticizing and complaining) about not wanting to hear my playing at home; but that extends to my choice of recordings as well.   -

Edited by - alaskafiddler on 09/26/2013 12:48:28

Viper - Posted - 09/26/2013:  13:53:34

Thank you all for the comments and advice. My son is no longer in the NICU, but thanks for your concern. I'm not too worried about making too much noise, as I have a quiet, secluded space for playing if need be. My main concern is finding the time, and I know that will be a challenge. Baby and mom are my top two priorties. 

leemysliwiec - Posted - 09/26/2013:  14:27:28

I played the fiddle all the while that my kids were growing up.. I have four. They all took music lessons and have good ears for music.. Only ONE child, my youngest daughter, Katie. Took up playing the fiddle. She was taking lessons from the Chicago Old Town School and one day the instructor said, "Katie, how is it that you can pick up these tunes so fast?"...Her reply was that she already knew them in her head because her dad, me, played them all the time when she was growing up... LISTENING to music is a big part of learning to play music.. YOUR child will only benefit from your playing.. Having said that...Don't sacrifice the child for the music.. Change diapers, wash diapers, be a good husband and father..The more supportive you are of your wife and the child, the more supportive you wife will be with your music.. I usually only played in the kitchen after the kids went to bed. When they were awake, they were priority number one. I did take ONE weekend a year to go to the Indiana Fiddler's Gathering, but other than that it was family first. I took my fiddle to work with me and played in my car on my lunch hour. Now the kids are all grown and moved away and I have LOTS of time to fiddle. LEE

bwright - Posted - 09/26/2013:  14:32:12

I played my pipes,guitar and everything else once we brought my daughter home 3 years ago. I was in college and had the chance to sit with her everyday for the first two years. I played my instruments all day long. Guess what harm that did, none.. In fact as soon as she could pick up my practice chanter she did and she tried to blow on it to get a noise,which she has gotten better at. At around 2 she sat by my guitar strumming an open G, I tune my guitar like a banjo, she would strum with a pick and sing her little song. After these past couple months and her seeing me messing with the fiddle everyday she has asked for a purple fiddle, what can I say the girl likes purple. And she will get one in a couple months, just a cheap ebay fiddle, cheap enough for me to not care if she breaks its over her older brothers head or lays it down and steps on it. My dad played to me when my mom was pregnant, he played for me when I was brought home on up until I was 5. My friends dad did the same with him and his brother as well. In fact almost all of my friends who play music had dads who played to them when they were babies..

eric marten - Posted - 09/27/2013:  07:19:56

I played quite a bit for my two sons, and now they have both become music teachers.    Now I am playing for my two granddaughters. The five year old is learning piano, and the one year old loves to clap hands and dance around when I play for her.  One recommendation - use a rubber practice mute to cut  the volume down a bit.  Try playing Pop Goes the Weasel  in the key of G, and pluck the open  E string for the "pop".  When your  child is old enough, let him/her do the  pop.  I've been performing at Old Bethpage Village Restoration for over thirty years now, and have been doing this song with kids for all those years, and I have adults come up to me now to tell me that they remember me doing that with them when they were young, and could I do it now with their kids. 

You can't start too early with kids.   Your  child might become very soothed when you play, and other times laugh and clap hands.  Enjoy it while you can.