??????In my mind the uilleann pipes are pretty high up there. BUT playing a set requires some kind of gymnastics of both elbows, two and one handed playing and that alone might put it into the comical end of the list . But a slow air teased out by the right players can make me cry more than any other solo instrument.

The string of question marks? That is a relic of a misplaced and deleted emoticon (sigh)

1. Fiddle - Queen of Music! The hardest, most rewarding pastime for man ever created. Players are the creme of Humanity! Fiddlers get a free pass at the Pearly Gates (unless they are Red Sox fans).

1b. Bagpipes -  Bill sez Bane of Scotland gets a pass cuz of difficulty playing.  I say players usually  too drunk to read sheet music!  Skirt-wearing, haggis eating louts! Whats with Scots and bladders, anyway?
. 2 - Mandolin - According to some, cheesy knock off of fiddle, played by wimpy folks who have no hand strength. Low brow types love to play this.
.
.
.
.
.
. 7- Banjo - Mr Craven has taken this slot with his rude but accurate wording!
.
.
. 10 - Concertina - Easily the silliest instrument ever made. Players look like they are having some kind of fit. Concertinas take the intelligence of a squirrel to play and an ice pick in the ears to listen to.
.
.
. 13 - HurdyGurdy - Come on, is this even a real instrument?  Supposedly the real impetus for Nobel to invent dynamite.  Players are locked into historical period when the Black Death was considered socially  amusing, and have matching sense of humor. 
.
. 15 - French horn - So minor an instrument, a loud fart could cover its parts. Players hopeful someone will offer them a gig flipping burgers. Are players actually people or some fungal life

FEEL FREE to add you own!

All instruments that can only make one note at a time,
take one step back.

I must object about French Horn! Deep smooth mellow sound, so dignified and regal, and one of my favorite orchestra instruments when I was in orchestra. :-)

To farmerjones' note, I thus must add the Harp towards the top of the hierarchy. So many strings, and so BIG...

Didgeridoo. The only music that has a vocabulary!

...a toothless juice harp player.

The pipes I suggested are Irish, played sitting down, none of that marching around nonsense.

Those Scottish Highland noise makers can reside at the bottom of the ocean for being so darned loud.

In order as I obtained them...mainly, because I can't change the past.

Percussion 94
Guitar 94
Drums 95
banjo 97
bass 2000
keyboards 2001
mandolin 2007
fiddle 2022 <--saved the best for last!

Y'all have forced my hand:

Big Mamu with a Kitt'n Kaboodle Sack

Okay. John Hartford spoke about Dave Holt bringing down the Grand 'ol Opry with a paper sack. I saw he done it. 

Then one day I needed a rub board (washboard specifically to be played).

I looked around. I rolled up a 30lb. cat food sack. It's made out of woven tyvek. Has a nice crunchy sound. If it ever wears out, I can get another.

Now, I don't know weather to put this above or below nose flutes?

#1 Trombone they are a hoot!.... Especially in a jam situation...Lol. Just give it a go and you'll see what i mean ha ha

Piano. Sure, if you are only doing unaccompanied tunes in the key of C, melodies like Mary Had A Little Lamb are no problem. But as soon as the left hand starts supplying chords, harmonies, counterpoint, etc., to what the right hand is pecking out, things get complicated. It gets more complicated when you are playing in key signatures that demand that you include several black keys. And, of course, you are often obliged to turn things upside down, giving the left hand the melody and the right hand the back-up tones.

Acoustic pianos make things more complicated still. Suddenly, you have the opportunity to apply different pressures to the various individual piano keys...all to lend the music more personality and emotional depth. Peddles add the opportunity for sustain and for softening the tone. In other words, you're encouraged to use your right foot, as well.

In any case, it all soon takes a heck of a toll on the brain. Or at least on my brain...

Add your opinion on the List of Hierarchy! But you must also say why and comment on the players. Ease of playing? Intelligence needed to play?


1. Fiddle - Queen of Music! The hardest, most rewarding pastime for man ever created. Players are the creme of Humanity! Fiddlers get a free pass at the Pearly Gates (unless they are Red Sox fans).

1b. Bagpipes -  Bill sez Bane of Scotland gets a pass cuz of difficulty playing.  I say players usually  too drunk to read sheet music!  Skirt-wearing, haggis eating louts! Whats with Scots and bladders, anyway?

. 2 - Mandolin - According to some, cheesy knock off of fiddle, played by wimpy folks who have no hand strength. Low brow types love to play this.
.
.

. 6 - Trombone -  the goofiest instrument. Trombones make up 96% of all stupid comedic cartoon and Foley noises.  WAaahhh WAaahhh.  Players practice by hoisting cheap booze, to build up that right arm.  And develop that goofiness!  
. 7- Banjo - Mr Craven has taken this slot with his rude but accurate wording!
.
.
. 10 - Concertina - Easily the silliest instrument ever made. Players look like they are having some kind of fit. Concertinas take the intelligence of a squirrel to play and an ice pick in the ears to listen to.
.
. 12 - Piano - Really?  My freakin parrot can play piano!  Until the advent of the electronic keyboard, piano players were the neurotic posterchildren of the orchestra, so lonely, tied to that ridiculous piece of furniture.  With keyboards, now everyone can hate them.  Best thing that can be said about pianos - they look good with a vase on them. 
. 13 - HurdyGurdy - Come on, is this even a real instrument?  Supposedly the real impetus for Nobel to invent dynamite.  Players are locked into historical period when the Black Death was considered socially  amusing, and have matching sense of humor. 
. 14 DiggeryDoo - Only the Aussies would have an instrument that you basically fart into - continuously, so I suppose there is SOME skill involved.  For those who can't fart 24/7 there is always #15 !  
. 15 - French horn - So minor an instrument, a loud fart could cover its parts. Players hopeful someone will offer them a gig flipping burgers. Are players actually people or some fungal life.

.

. 1751 - Cat Food Bag - Leave it to the Farmer to come up with an instrument thats actually BETTER then drums!  At least you can cover your head in shame after playing one.  Jonesy, you gotta get out more!  

.  1752 - Drums, percussion etc etc -  scraping the the  bottom of the barrel,  its well known there are more drum/percussion jokes then all others combined.  Literally newborn babies can play drums ( and hold tempo better then most drummers).  For crying out loud, INSECTS keep better time.  An insult to call them musicians (and most don't). 

FEEL FREE to add you own!

---

1. Piano, of course - "The King of Instruments." You can play anything on a piano (if you know how). My first, and still best, instrument. Let's hear you noodleheads play like Earl Hines, or Fats Waller, or Art Tatum, let alone the great classical players. Plus the world of music theory is layed out in front of you on the keyboard.
2. Harp - Another versatile, and even more beautiful instrument. More direct and intimate, since its played with the fingers.
3. French horn - as NCnotes noted, a beautiful sounding instrument, reputedly quite difficult to play.
4. Bassoon - Also difficult to play, not so versatile.
5. Oboe - Maybe a little easier and versatile, but double reeds are hard to manage (and make, which you learn to do).
6. Flute - Beautiful sound, and I think a little tricky on the mouth positioning.
7. Trumpet or cornet - Ever hear Louis Armstrong, or Shaye Cohn?
8. Chemnitzer Concertina - An amazing 19th century invention, capable of astonishing music, like its close relative, the Bandoneon. Bertam Levy, long ago member of the Hollow Rock string band, became a dedicated student of the Bandoneon, and after a small dinner party at his home years ago, mesmerized us with a little concert on his beautiful instrument.
Far down the list would be the folk fiddle. Even a child can play this thing - you just hold the stick thing however you choose, and move it back and forth while wiggling the fingers of your left hand, and presto - "Twinkle, twinkle!"
All for now.

No one mentioned a hurdy-gurdy, I'd love to have one of those things.  I don't know where it would fit into a heirarchy...I'd put all the string instruments at the top, so, I guess the hurdy gurdy would fit somewhere near the top.

Peggy, I think Al mentioned the Hurdy Gurdy (sort of).
I had deleted this piece, because it doesn't really fit here, but here's a little example of what the Chemnitzer concertina is capable of, even in the hands of a bungling amateur.

#1638 Washtub Bass?

( I gigged on one of these once, haha … we were at Disney and they asked for a volunteer from the audience, and I got picked. My kids thought it was great to see mom up there plonking away! )

PS Thanks for supporting the French horn, Doug!

#1 trombone
#2 jug
#3 Kazoo
#4 Banjo
#5 Lap steel guitar (how else you going to get that tom and jerry whisker pulling sound?)
#6 spoons or bones 

#7 megaphone for vocals

Oh ....And fiddle for the emotive bits

I'd deleted this one too, but here's the opening number from a theater show. I'm playing piano. Our inspiration for this number was Hovie Lister and the Statesmen quartet, who were foundational southern Gospel performers.

Nice tickling of the ivories, Doug!  Are you playing the concertina too?

Lest we forget egg shakers?
And the popular slogan:"play an egg shaker, go to jail."

...and how would the world go 'round without the Limberjack?

Yes, how could we forget the infamous shaky egg! I would put it below the washtub bass, hmm. 
 

Add your opinion on the List of Hierarchy! But you must also say why and comment on the players. Ease of playing? Intelligence needed to play?


1. Fiddle - Queen of Music! The hardest, most rewarding pastime for man ever created. Players are the creme of Humanity! Fiddlers get a free pass at the Pearly Gates (unless they are Red Sox fans).

1b. Bagpipes - Bill sez Bane of Scotland gets a pass cuz of difficulty playing. I say players usually too drunk to read sheet music! Skirt-wearing, haggis eating louts! Whats with Scots and bladders, anyway?

. 2 - Mandolin - According to some, cheesy knock off of fiddle, played by wimpy folks who have no hand strength. Low brow types love to play this.
.
.
.
. 6 - Trombone - the goofiest instrument. Trombones make up 96% of all stupid comedic cartoon and Foley noises. WAaahhh WAaahhh. Players practice by hoisting cheap booze, to build up that right arm. And develop that goofiness!
. 7- Banjo - Mr Craven has taken this slot with his rude but accurate wording!
.
. 9 - Bass - Thank God for bass players, or equipment would never get packed up at the end of a gig. While the lead guitar, fiddle and banjo players are all well on their way home, with the paramour de jour, bass players wonder where their life choices went wrong. Players can be spotted by their overdeveloped arm and hand muscles.
. 10 - Concertina - Easily the silliest instrument ever made. Players look like they are having some kind of fit. Concertinas take the intelligence of a squirrel to play and an ice pick in the ears to listen to.
.
. 12 - Piano - Really? My freakin parrot can play piano! Until the advent of the electronic keyboard, piano players were the neurotic posterchildren of the orchestra, so lonely, tied to that ridiculous piece of furniture. With keyboards, now everyone can hate them. Best thing that can be said about pianos - they look good with a vase on them.
. 13 - HurdyGurdy - Come on, is this even a real instrument? Supposedly the real impetus for Nobel to invent dynamite. Players are locked into historical period when the Black Death was considered socially amusing, and have matching sense of humor.
. 14 DiggeryDoo - Only the Aussies would have an instrument that you basically fart into - continuously, so I suppose there is SOME skill involved. For those who can't fart 24/7 there is always #15 !
. 15 - French horn - So minor an instrument, a loud fart could cover its parts. Players hopeful someone will offer them a gig flipping burgers. Are players actually people or some fungal life.
.
.
.
. 936 - Kazoo - The thinking man's fart machine. Instrument of choice for the totally talentless.
.
.
. 1638 - Washtub Bass - created by that particularly grubby group known as bass players, who rarely see soap and water, hence the availability of the tub. Thank Heavens there is only one string on it, more would totally confuse them. Players can be spotted by that one, lone tooth in their heads (Ol' Chomper) and general vacant look in the eyes.
.
.
. 1750 - Shakey Egg - The instrument most often given to jealous wives and husbands, so they can feel like they are musicians too. My cat makes better musc rattling the Kibble&Bits in her food dish. Guiness Book of World Records has a slot open for ANY shakey egg player that gets paid to play. Still open as of 7/1/25.
. 1751 - Cat Food Bag - Leave it to the Farmer to come up with an instrument thats actually BETTER then drums! At least you can cover your head in shame after playing one. Jonesy, you gotta get out more!

. 1752 - Drums, percussion etc etc - scraping the bottom of the barrel, its well known there are more drum/percussion jokes then all others combined. Literally newborn babies can play drums ( and hold tempo better then most drummers). For crying out loud, INSECTS keep better time. An insult to call them musicians (and most don't).

FEEL FREE to add you own!

LOL - the list is getting longer!