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Nov 16, 2018 - 9:10:21 AM
1794 posts since 8/27/2008

Just curious if your spouse or partner plays. Mine does not. It seems that would make a nice relationship. My partner doesn't try to hold me back, though. I have 2 or 3 practices a week and the occasional gig, and there isn't friction over that. I've noticed some players have to hold back a little for family time.

Nov 16, 2018 - 9:25:12 AM
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4840 posts since 9/26/2008

My wife started on the fiddle before me. I surpassed her quickly and she stopped playing. She does play occasionally, but with no practice her intonation suffers. When we started dating, I told her music is a must for my sanity. She does not deny me and I don't hold her back for anything. It is a good arrangement.

We have a ukulele band together though, 7 - 8 pieces depending on availability of members. She has, on occasion, backed up my fiddling but she needs all of the chords written out as she hasn't figured out how to figure that out :-)

Nov 16, 2018 - 1:26:44 PM
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280 posts since 6/21/2007

The short answer is no, but she retire a few months ago and started piano lessons. I hope to get her some “comping” dvds in a few months.

The long answer...when we were dating she told me how she played viola jr. high but she was never any good at it and gave up in frustration. When her parents downsized to a condo I found her viola and brought it home figuring to give it a whirl. The fingering tape was still on it, AND IT WAS ALL OFF CENTER, SO IF SHE PLAYED IT PERFECTLY SHE SOUNDED SHARP! And for 3 years the teacher didn’t notice?! SHEESH!!

Nov 16, 2018 - 2:05:40 PM

8706 posts since 3/19/2009

quote:
Originally posted by ChickenMan

My wife started on the fiddle before me. I surpassed her quickly and she stopped playing. She does play occasionally, but with no practice her intonation suffers. When we started dating, I told her music is a must for my sanity. She does not deny me and I don't hold her back for anything. It is a good arrangement.

We have a ukulele band together though, 7 - 8 pieces depending on availability of members. She has, on occasion, backed up my fiddling but she needs all of the chords written out as she hasn't figured out how to figure that out :-)


SO!!! She was holding back during my visit..!!!

Nov 16, 2018 - 2:12 PM
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8706 posts since 3/19/2009

My first wife played the organ and her father, Dixieland Banjo.. It was from him that I really got inspiration..Eventually, SHE ran off with the leader of a Bluegrass band (Haven't liked Bluegrass since (jk))... Anyway.. my current Sweet wife is not a musician but fully understands my passion for Old Time music..

Edited by - TuneWeaver on 11/16/2018 14:12:57

Nov 16, 2018 - 2:55:48 PM
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lapsteel

Canada

70 posts since 11/26/2016

Nope...but I still get to play twice a day with no complaints for the last 29 years!

Nov 16, 2018 - 2:57:35 PM
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8706 posts since 3/19/2009

quote:
Originally posted by lapsteel

Nope...but I still get to play twice a day with no complaints for the last 29 years!


Lucky guy.. be sure to let her know how lucky you are!!!

Nov 16, 2018 - 4:07:29 PM
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1655 posts since 12/11/2008

Spouse got her college degree in music, with a specialty in Alto Sax performance. She's a fine guitarist and enjoys plunking on the banjo. By the same token, she's not much taken with the fiddle or OT, this despite the fact she accompanied me and our OT friends when we were one of the square dance bands at the Topanga Folk Fest.

Nov 17, 2018 - 5:32:18 AM
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4 posts since 4/4/2017

My wife does not play any musical instruments. But, as others have noted for their situations, my wife also does not object to how much I play or practice.

Over our 51+ years of marriage, we have agreed to each of our individual preferences. It has worked well for us.

Best wishes,
Dan

Edited by - Dan Bilitz on 11/17/2018 05:33:37

Nov 17, 2018 - 9:13:51 AM
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961 posts since 3/19/2009

Nov 17, 2018 - 10:12:25 AM
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Players Union Member

carlb

USA

2252 posts since 2/2/2008

Yes, but we've been separated for about 25 years.

Nov 17, 2018 - 10:13:38 AM
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5 posts since 9/22/2018

My wife has a very nice voice and it's fun to harmonize with her when I strum guitar, but she cannot understand and cannot accept the idea of me playing an instrument every day.

I think most people would be shocked to hear that many of you practice twice a day and hours each day, so some of you guys are very lucky.

My wife would have no problem with me playing out of our house, but we have young kids so I need to (and want to of course—my kids are awesome) be around.

She essentially banned me from playing piano while she is home and oh boy does she hate when I play the violin (and I do try to play quietly and I use a heavy mute).

I have accepted that we will never work this out, but I've been playing an instrument just about every day since I was a kid, so I won't be stopping. It is weird to have to feel bad anytime I want to play music, though.

Sorry, I'm just venting.

Edited by - Corrin Radd on 11/17/2018 10:16:17

Nov 17, 2018 - 10:45:39 AM
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961 posts since 3/19/2009

Corrin Radd I certainly feel your pain. I personally have resolved to playing only outside the home, except during those times when my wife is out shopping or some other appointment.
I generally play once each week @ a regular jam, which she enjoys going to the meal, but usually leaves when the music begins.

Nov 17, 2018 - 11:07:01 AM
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1794 posts since 8/27/2008

quote:
Originally posted by jefferylong

Corrin Radd I certainly feel your pain. I personally have resolved to playing only outside the home, except during those times when my wife is out shopping or some other appointment.


I am lucky to have a detached wood shop/music studio, where I can make any kind of noise I want. As well as giving my partner peace, I would also probably practice a lot less without my own space because of some self-consciousness I feel when people are listening to me practice. I like to feel free to be repetitive, loud, and play bad notes freely when working things out.

Nov 17, 2018 - 12:34:43 PM
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544 posts since 8/10/2017

My boyfriend doesn't play. He has a nice 12 string guitar and I have heard him play it and it sounded pretty to me, but he thinks he is too musically untalented to play with me. I don't think I'm talented, but he thinks I am. He doesn't like it when I play at home. As soon as I come home, he's already there and he's got the TV going so I can't play during the week. I play at our Wednesday night jam, that's the main place I learn and practice and sometimes I get some spare time on the weekend when I can really learn and practice. Now he is retired and oh my god. He chases me around to read me his facebook. He plays his phone out loud so I have to hear him pressing 1 for this, press 2 for that. He plays his computer videos out loud. He's only been retired for a week so far and he hasn't once cleaned the house.

Nov 17, 2018 - 1:03:41 PM
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DougD

USA

9767 posts since 12/2/2007

I've never had a "spouse," so I really shouldn't comment, but I have had a few long term romances, and I can't imagine living with someone who would presume to tell me what I can or can't do, and vice versa. (Maybe that's why I don't have a "spouse")?
Being with someone who also plays can be fun and satisfying, or stressful, depending on where you're taking it - from the living room or kitchen to the stage can be quite different. I'm attaching a few pictures of my attempts.
Some of you might want to listen to this great song by Rabbit Brown: youtu.be/MKHkG0GxA0E


Edited by - DougD on 11/17/2018 13:06:00

Nov 17, 2018 - 1:07:21 PM
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1794 posts since 8/27/2008

quote:
Originally posted by sbhikes2

 As soon as I come home, he's already there and he's got the TV going so I can't play during the week. I play at our Wednesday night jam, that's the main place I learn and practice and sometimes I get some spare time on the weekend when I can really learn and practice. Now he is retired and oh my god. He chases me around to read me his facebook. He plays his phone out loud so I have to hear him pressing 1 for this, press 2 for that. He plays his computer videos out loud. He's only been retired for a week so far and he hasn't once cleaned the house.


OMG!

Nov 17, 2018 - 3:12:22 PM
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2511 posts since 10/6/2008

My dear husband, who supports my musical endeavors wholeheartedly, took up banjo after I started playing fiddle. We don't play together often but I enjoy playing with him more than with anyone else. Old-time, to me, is about more than just the music, and because we've been married for--let's see--thirty-six years, sitting knee to knee with him to play our tunes is such a comfortable and happy thing.

Nov 17, 2018 - 5:56:17 PM
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11247 posts since 9/23/2009

Nope. I don't currently know any live humans who play my kinda music or instruments that go with my kinda music. My daughter can, but she doesn't enjoy that and is very busy anyway. My husband at least tries to support my musical habit as best as he can...helps with my instruments, encourages me, etc., does the laundry and stuff...lol... but our lifestyle doesn't permit much music time, really...not enough, anyway. Our house is very small, so if I play, it sort of takes over the place...I try to choose times when it won't interfere with what he's doing, interfere with us having meals (I cook it all from scratch and garden, etc.), interfere with me being a mom or granny, interfere with little dogs who have needs, or work we do to help people who can't afford to get things done otherwise, interfere with me keeping lonely relatives company or helping them get to appointments...etc. etc., all that kinda stuff I gotta do all the time. Anyway, the short answer is no, but he understands and is sympathetic to my situation...lol.

Nov 17, 2018 - 9:08:15 PM

Kye

Canada

96 posts since 3/16/2017

quote:
Originally posted by Corrin Radd

My wife has a very nice voice and it's fun to harmonize with her when I strum guitar, but she cannot understand and cannot accept the idea of me playing an instrument every day.

I think most people would be shocked to hear that many of you practice twice a day and hours each day, so some of you guys are very lucky.

My wife would have no problem with me playing out of our house, but we have young kids so I need to (and want to of course—my kids are awesome) be around.

She essentially banned me from playing piano while she is home and oh boy does she hate when I play the violin (and I do try to play quietly and I use a heavy mute).

I have accepted that we will never work this out, but I've been playing an instrument just about every day since I was a kid, so I won't be stopping. It is weird to have to feel bad anytime I want to play music, though.

Sorry, I'm just venting.


Have you considered an un amped electric for when she's home? I have one I practice on in my apartment, couldn't live without it!!

Nov 17, 2018 - 9:12:04 PM
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Kye

Canada

96 posts since 3/16/2017

I'm single, so no. But the more in love I become with fiddle, and I want to start Banjo, the less open I am to being with someone who doesn't play as I know my own would suffer. I've felt for some time I want to be able to sit in the evenings with my spouse and play tunes, if we're staying in. Forget the damn boobtube! I dream of finding someone as excited as I for clifftop!

Nov 18, 2018 - 5:02:40 PM
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Players Union Member

boxbow

USA

2564 posts since 2/3/2011

My wife claims to have no musical talent whatsoever. When she's busy and content with it she hums tunelessly. I find it musical. She makes a rather shocking noise (non-musical) and denies all. We negotiated space for ourselves; we've been fortunate to be able to do that. I try to remember to stop playing before she goes to bed. That's about all it takes.

Nov 21, 2018 - 7:50:57 PM

Kye

Canada

96 posts since 3/16/2017

I know I've seen a 'fitness singles' and other interest based dating site. Anyone ever heard of an 'old time music players' one? ha!

Nov 27, 2018 - 4:01:58 PM
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robinja

USA

1104 posts since 6/25/2007

Wow, I hate to chime in, especially since I've been absent from this site for so long, but my husband and I started on the music adventure together about 15 years ago. I played piano as a child, and he basically had no musical background (aside from being around his mother who is a wonderful pianist and singer - church mostly). He's a woodworker, so he got interested in music because he wanted to build musical instruments. He first built a mountain dulcimer, which I was able to play (sort of) as soon as he brought it in from the garage. Then he learned to play it. Then he built a banjo, and I had to buy a fiddle in self-defense. We play together most days, and he's my main music buddy.

Nov 27, 2018 - 4:28:43 PM
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961 posts since 3/19/2009

robinja You just don’t know how blessed you are.

Nov 27, 2018 - 5:00:45 PM
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3546 posts since 12/8/2007

Nah.

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