Here's mine:

Two muffins are baking in an oven.
The first muffin turns to the second and says " it sure is hot in here!"
The second muffin looks at the first and screams "Eek! Talking muffin!"

Please post yours , family appropriate please :)

I can beat that'n... : Old couple sittin in church during sermon...she writes on scratch pad to hubby....I just let a long, deadly, silent fart....whut should I do ? Old hubby writes back....You should get a new battery for your hearing aid.


The Confederate Railroad sing :

denimandlace.50megs.com/1bigone.html

Edited by - Ozarkian D.L. on 04/28/2010 07:46:02

Bro-----Com-on. That ain't family appropriate.

It's appropriate in mine!

Maybe we're just rednecks, but in my family any good (and clean) fart joke gets a bellylaugh! Especially from my kids!

I'll pass this one on to them.

On second thought ........ there have been a number of instances of actual inintended flatulence that have cracked our whole family up - even my wife!



Family memories ..............

Old Time music is a lot better than it sounds.

... or ...

Ralph, I'd help you tune your banjo, but I left my wire cutters at home.

(I'm off to an OT Jam this morning at the Long Tom where we'll have a variety of great banjo players)

quote:

---

Originally posted by John Gent


Ralph, I'd help you tune your banjo, but I left my wire cutters at home.

---

I love it! Maybe the best banjo joke I've heard.

BigJohn.

(Sent over here from Banjo Hangout under the Witless Protection Program)

?rocks eats and red, big What's---------rockeater red big A.

Edited by - lrhamp on 04/17/2010 21:13:30

Do you mean Reds, Whites an Wine? I'll be willing

Edited by - fiddleiphile on 04/18/2010 04:33:24

why was 6 afraid of 7?

what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

What's the difference between a seagull and a puppy dog?





A seagull flits on the shore.

An old man's walking through a graveyard when he sees another guy stooping behind a tombstone, so he says "morning". The other guy replies, "no, just takin a crap".

An Irish man walks out of a bar....

A Dyslexic Guy walks into a bra . . .

Dyslexic agnostic wondering if there is a dog........

An Irish man thought about entering a bar.

Horse enters a bar & sits down on stool....bartender comes over & says, "Why tha long face ?"

Whut'z worse than uh elephant wit uh stopped-up nose ?
A : A giraffe wit uh sore-throat.

Edited by - Ozarkian D.L. on 04/22/2010 10:31:56

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in a cherry tree.

Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree? See....it works

Two fiddlers are walking down the path, (one who uses Prims on his fiddle, the other Pirastro Somethin-or-others), when rather unexpectedly they turn and walk in to a bar.

Whilst the two are holding their sore heads, another fiddler who watched all this happen (and who correctly uses Helicore strings) muses, "You'd think after the first one hit his head, the other one would've ducked...."

....

A baby seal sits down at the bar. Bartender asks "What can I get you?". The baby seal responds "Anything but Canadian Club".

Favourite bad joke? Okay...all of mine are bad...but don't know as I have a favourite....

You have unleashed the hounds of hell ...

Here's to start:

A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

The Cleveland Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass viols have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bass players decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!" he said.

"No need to panic," said a fellow bass player. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later, they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"

A steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal.

The engineer said to his fireman, "We're coming to a town, let's stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?"

The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark."

And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"

A man is out driving in his convertable, when he sees a pig on the side of the road. There aren't any houses around, so he puts it in the car, and resumes driving. Down the road, a cop sees him and pulls him over. "What are you doing with that pig in your car?" The man says, "Well, officer, I just found her, and was trying to figure out what to do with her". "Take her to the zoo", the cop told him and sent him on his way. Two weeks lator, the cop sees the same car go by with the pig in it, and pulls it over. "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo! ". "Well, officer, I DID, and we had such a good time, now I'm taking her to Disneyland!".

These jokes are great!

Ok. Here's a music one. A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. "What's going on?" he asks a cemetery worker. "It's Beethoven," says the worker. "He's decomposing."

Oops. Was that considered a "dirty" joke?

Bwa-ha-ha, o my.